With this bottle of Smirnoff Vodka on sale for 30p, will you brave the crowds on Black Friday?

A popular off-licence in Westcliff On Sea has created a huge stir in the local community by announcing that they will be taking part in the American shopping tradition of BLACK FRIDAY – it is rumoured that £50,000-worth of alcohol will be sold at just a fraction of its actual value. While the news has got local tipple lovers falling over themselves in excitement, a local police spokesperson has warned that the event will probably lead to widespread civil disorder, and that shoppers should act responsibly at all times.

Ray Pickle is the owner of Blitzd on Hamlet Court Road, and their slogan is ‘Drink until you can’t feel feelings anymore.’ We spoke to Mr Pickle about the event, and he said, ‘I watched the clips last year where people were literally battering each other to death in North London over a sub-standard 32 inch TV, and I wondered what people would do to secure a 2-litre bottle of Smirnoff Vodka for 30p? Therefore, from midnight on Friday 27th November, the first 50 people through the door will get this super vodka deal, and a further 100 customers will be able to buy a crate of 200 cans of Stella Artois for a fiver. I am running a responsible business operation, and so any designated drivers will be able to pick up a can of Diet Coke and a bag of Twiglets for £1.99.’

However, a local police spokesperson has issued a statement condemning the idea. They said, ‘Black Friday 2014 in Britain reminded us that as a society we are only a single £3 hand blender away from total collapse, and this sort of irresponsible trading will bring hell to the streets of Westcliff. Getting a bag of marmite-flavoured snacks and a calorie-free fizzy drink AND getting change from a £2 coin will bring out the ‘crazy’ in local residents, and we would encourage Mr Pickle to rethink his designated driver offer.’

At the time of going to press, it has been announced that a mounted police division of 50 officers will be patrolling the area to deter any unrest overnight on Friday.