Penny Mordaunt has become to first MILF to join Prime Minister Theresa May’s cabinet as International Secretary For My Eyes Are Up Here You Filthy Bastards. 

It is thought that Mordaunt’s appointment is a test of the government’s new ‘looky but don’t touchy’ policy for anyone within Whitehall.

Government insiders are also secretly hopeful that Mrs May’s decision to promote a well-known Brexiteer will also persuade many Remainers in the British public to change their minds if Andrea Leadsom ‘doesn’t quite do it for them.’

One Parliament insider said: ‘We are arranging for Penny’s first speech to the House of Commons to be in the style of the music video ‘Stacy’s Mom’ by Fountains of Wayne.’

We spoke to a number of anti-austerity campaigners outside the Houses of Parliament today, and a number of them said that they were ‘so captivated’ by Mordaunt that they would be jacking the whole thing in and shopping at Waitrose from now on.