You may all be aware by now of Paul O’Grady’s shocking outburst on Channel 5’s revival of Blind Date about Southend being a ‘shithole for single mothers.’

When he found out that one of the show’s ‘lucky’ couples would be sent for a date to our beloved Jewel In The Crown of the Essex Riviera, he said some very nasty things.

In full, he said: ‘Fancy sending them to that shithole. That place is full of single mothers. Oh my god – what are you trying to do? Fucking hell. I wouldn’t even go down there for a shit.’

First of all, on a general level, what the actual motherfucking fuck have you done to Blind Date?

In Cilla’s day, the worst you could expect was a raunchy bit of Carry On innuendo.

However, let’s get to the real issue here!

You have slandered our great town, in a way that Southend News Network would never dream of doing.

Yes, it can be a bit of a shithole. But you know what mate? It’s OUR SHITHOLE, and we’re fucking proud of it.

Therefore, we are demanding a FULL APOLOGY as soon as possible.

Not a weasel-like retraction from Channel 5 as part of a statement, but an email to newsdesk@southendnewsnetwork.com from a verifiable address.

If you decide to ignore this demand, and 9am on Monday passes without as much as a peep from you, we will be left with no option other than to retaliate.

Mr O’Grady, the clock is ticking …