A mother and father from Basildon in Essex are being investigated for child abuse after purchasing West Ham shirts for their two children. 

A member of staff raised the alarm at the town’s branch of Sports Direct after local parents Danny Daniels and Michelle Garridge purchased two replica shirts for their children Danielle and Daniella, and the store’s resident social services liaison officer attended their home address on Fudge Lane a few hours later.

Witnesses said that the parents tried leaving before getting their change and a receipt just in case the buses were packed.

A source said: ‘Statistics show that openly declaring support for West Ham United at primary school increases the risk of bullying by 45%.’

’In one terrible case last year, a seven year old in Brentwood received what is known as an ‘atomic wedgie’ after he used ‘we won the World Cup innit’ to try and win thirteen different arguments in one day.’

’One of the arguments was about who should have the last cup of apple juice.’

A friend of the couple said that they originally wanted to buy the shirts at the official Hammers merchandise store in Basildon town centre, but this shop closed down last year after an application for taxpayer funding for the shop was rejected for being ‘utter fucking lunacy.’

This latest case comes after one child was removed from his family for three months when he received a Tottenham Hotspur pencil case as a birthday present.

According to the family’s solicitor, he demanded that a 35-32 playtime football match victory be released on DVD with a bonus disc featuring classic Wembley Singles moments.