A news broadcast from the North Korea News Agency has confirmed that the 5.3 magnitude earthquake that was registered overnight was NOT a nuclear test. According to the report, the seismic activity that was detected close to a known nuclear testing site was the result of a farmer who had eaten a ‘terrible curry.’

The report from the NKNA said: ‘We sent our own team of investigators to the site where the ground shaking movement was registered, and we came across a farmer who was holding his stomach and laying on the ground.’

‘We asked him for an explanation, and he told us that he had just consumed a pigeon vindaloo with extra poppadoms. He added that shortly after finishing his glorious curry, his bowels and stomach couldn’t handle his wife’s chosen collection of spices.’

‘This is the latest regrettable curry-based incident that has occurred within the last year, and a full report has already been prepared and sent to our Glorious Leader.’

Southend News Network approached the North Korean Embassy in Southend On Sea to ask about ‘abnormal’ levels of uranium that had been detected at the site of the seismic activity.

A spokesperson from the embassy said: ‘We can confirm that an amount of uranium was officially registered in the area where the glorious farmer was found this morning.’

‘We investigated his documents to try and find out more, and we discovered that there had been a simple misunderstanding at the garden supplies mail order company that he uses.’

‘His wife confirmed that he had placed an order for geraniums, and therefore an employee must have misheard him on the telephone.’

Politicians in Japan, South Korea and China have all condemned the curry, and the United Nations has been asked to send a team of tandoori inspectors as a ‘matter of urgency.’