sleeping together. mother embraces the newborn baby in bed

A mum from Southend has decided to set up a 24-hour TV channel so that the entire population of the United Kingdom can follow the progress and development of her new baby. 23-year-old Karen Thrust gave birth to baby Thomas seven days ago, and she was inspired to set up the rolling coverage on Sky, Freeview, Virgin Media, Freesat and online after she noticed the amount of time that she was spending posting photos and videos on Facebook.

Proud mum Karen said: ‘When I realised that I was putting pictures and movie clips of Thomas gurgling, vomiting and sleeping around 75 times a day, I suddenly thought ‘Why not set up a number of studios in my own home and do things properly?’ I got a licence from Ofcom and purchased £21m of broadcast equipment, and Baby Thomas 24 goes live in the next few days – I have signed carriage deals with every major TV service. Along with live footage from cameras attached to his cot, bouncer and bath, I have also commissioned a number of original shows that will keep the public captivated and engaged around the clock. The show that I am most excited about is called The Developmental Boasting Hour where a panel of experts find minute details about how Thomas is doing before demonstrating how he is already miles ahead of every other small infant in the entire f*cking universe.’

She added: ‘The channel will be fascinating for other mummies out there, and it will also help to show other childless women what they are missing out on – even if they would love nothing more than to have a baby of their own but their constant struggle is made even worse by a growing number of social media contacts knocking out a tiny human being every 37 seconds.’

Although Baby Thomas 24 is free-to-view on Sky channel 599, Virgin Media channel 599 and Freeview channel 199, Karen is planning a premium spin-off channel called Baby Thomas 24 UHD. The channel will show breastfeeding and Thomas’ cutest and most awe-inspiring moments in Ultra High Definition 4K to anyone with compatible equipment, and a spokesperson for Currys has already said that 4KTV sales have doubled overnight after this announcement.

A spokesperson for Sky reassured viewers that all scenes of live breastfeeding will be protected with a PIN code.