While the current 48-hour junior doctors strike has been in progress, a senior government health minister has made a shocking revelation. According to Leviathan Groves-Wurst, one of the most respected senior civil servants in Whitehall, he has been told by a number of junior doctors that they are willing to start performing RANDOM SEX CHANGES on patients until the government is willing to meet their demands on a number of issues in new working contracts. It is unclear whether the threatened industrial action would apply to both male and female patients.
Mr Groves-Wurst met with our Chief Reporter to discuss the ‘shocking’ threat, and he said: ‘We have invited these people to the negotiating table on a number of occasions, and now a small but determined faction of junior doctors are trying to create an atmosphere of fear by threatening to perform sex changes on patients who are undergoing surgery for minor issues. Although I am unable to name those who have made this threat for both legal and fantasist-related reasons, I am ready to admit that this behaviour is disgraceful – no man undergoing gall bladder surgery should have to live in fear of losing more than he bargained for.’
The minister added: ‘One email I received said that the doctors would choose a patient at random, remove all surgeons from theatres by force and then start work – it has to be remembered that a significant proportion of junior doctors are under-qualified for gender realignment surgery. If they want to leave themselves open to costly legal proceedings then that’s their choice, but surely it would be better to sit down and figure out a way of moving forward.’
Michael Jones-Jones, chairperson of the equally-fictitious Association of Junior Doctors Association, described Mr Wurst’s allegations as ‘horse shit.’