A 27-year-old man from Southend is in a critical condition in hospital after he read three pages of a Take A Break magazine at his local GP surgery.
Terence Tau-Ling was waiting for an appointment at The Fairfax Drive Practice on Tuesday morning when he allegedly picked up the July 2012 edition of the magazine from the coffee table.
According to witnesses he became ‘unresponsive and comatose’ after the third page.
Gerald Canewdon was waiting near the victim, and he told our Chief Reporter that his eyes began to roll into the back of his head as soon as he reached the ‘thrifty tips.’
He added: ‘He seemed like such a young fella with loads to live for, and he became visibly unwell as soon as he remarked that he was shocked to find out that a teabag can be dried out and revitalised up to eleven times.’
‘It was like his brain just shut down. He turned the page and his nose started to bleed while he read about a 34-stone factory worker from The Midlands who found love on holiday with a 21-year-old Turkish guy with a six-pack and immaculate teeth before she flew him back to the UK for the wedding and he took all her life savings and did a runner with the 19-year-old glamour model who worked in his cousin Tariq’s tanning salon.’
‘He quickly composed himself and reached the premium-rate phone competition where they were offering a £500 Primark gift card to one lucky winner who could correctly identify the correct answer to ‘What is the capital city of England?’
‘As he read the choices of ‘a) London, b) Rita Ora and c) Hollyoaks,’ he started convulsing and the lady at reception called an ambulance.’
Dr Irving Al-Jafava is the Clinical Clinician of Neurology at Southend University Hospital, and he confirmed that the victim is currently critical.
He said: ‘An initial CT scan has confirmed that 93% of his brain tissue has transformed into some sort of grey spongy rich tea-like mush.’
‘We have to thankful that he didn’t reach the ‘Phwoar look at our hubbies’ section on page 19. Otherwise, we would be dealing with a fatality here.’