Friends and relatives of a 34-year-old man from Southend are ‘waiting anxiously’ after he entered the ‘final stages’ of toilet labour a few minutes ago.
According to a housemate of delivery driver Nigel Perry-Stalsiski, strong stomach contractions began around two hours after finishing an entire 12-inch Double Decadence Hawaiian from Domino’s.
Although the twinges were originally around five minutes apart, he wisely decided to make a move when they become more frequent.
Suspicions that he was about to ‘gamble and lose’ were short-lived as the Braxton Hicks that he was experiencing turned out to be a stuck olive.
At the time of going to press, he is currently sat in the upstairs bathroom on the toilet with his pants down – his girlfriend Tanya is helping him over the phone with some breathing exercises as she can’t get away from her job at Nando’s until 9pm.
Housemate Clive added: ‘It’s difficult to say just how far along he is at the moment, but this is looking like an all-night job as he asked for double mozzarella.’
‘That Triple Whopper that he had for lunch probably didn’t help either.’
We asked Clive for an update a few moments ago.
He said: ‘We have tried a number of positions, including getting him to stretch out on a large inflatable ball, and we are still making limited progress.’
‘We thought that he must have been at least 5cm dilated about half an hour ago and we could definitely see the head, but then he sneezed and it disappeared.’
Nigel was prepared to talk to us briefly over Skype, and he added that he was in an ‘unimaginable’ amount of pain at the moment, but he declined our offer of a stooling partner who could sit with him and play relaxing dolphin music until the big moment arrives with the help of a passing pool and small sieve.