A 34-year-old man who is attending a carol service in Southend On Sea is currently in a desperate frenzy while trying to figure out if a ‘cute girl’ singing in the choir is ‘legal.’

David Lurch told has been forced to take a seat at the back of Our Lady of The Divine Walnut church in Fairfax Drive because the place is packed out. 

We caught up with Mr Lurch while he was contemplating his next move. 

He said: ‘I’m only here because my girlfriend wants to watch her stupid bloody niece singing, but one of the other girls in the choir sounded cute as hell while she was singing Away In A Manger.’

‘The only problem is that I am too far away to get a good look at her. She looks quite tall which is a good sign, but then kids grow up fast these days don’t they?’

‘I know how careful you have to be these days before you even look at someone of the opposite sex, but I can’t even use the excuse that I need to pop to the vestry for a wee as I went when I got here.’

‘The zoom on my iPhone is utter crap as well.’