A lifelong resident and confirmed Southendian Fundamentalist has vowed in a statement to ‘destroy Southend News Network, along with any other media outlet that portrays the town in a light that is less than positive.’ A three-hour VHS tape was delivered by hand to the Southend News Network headquarters this morning, and the chilling threat was sandwiched between episodes of Neighbours and Eldorado from the early 1990’s.
Nigel Smudgeworthy, president of the Southend Historical Foundation, confirmed that his appearance in the video was genuine. In a follow-up interview, he explained his reasons to the Chief Reporter of the Southend News Network. He said, ‘Anyone can read stories that are posted on the Internet, and therefore people will believe every single article that appears on Southend News Network – this whole area is portrayed as a living hell where government bureaucrats are determined to interfere in every single walk of life to an extreme level, and the reality could not be further from this scenario.’
He added, ‘They currently have more than 3,000 likes on Facebook, and so more and more people are being subjected to this filth every single day. All I want to do in life is look out of my bedroom window and stroke my face gently while soothing myself about how fantastic my home town is, but still there are people who seek to mock our glorious leaders by making astute observations about mega-millions building developments that only seem to exist in artist’s impressions and wild councillor fantasies.’
Barry Crudgington runs a Facebook group called Southend Appreciation and Pier Worship, and he couldn’t agree more with Mr Smudgeworthy’s sentiments. He said, ‘If anyone from outside of the town spends a few minutes reading Southend News Network stories, there are absolutely no hints or clues that the stories are less than genuine. One or two of their stories actually offended me on a personal level, and although the sensible voices in my head tell me to just flick back to The Echo’s website and meditate, the thought that other people are reading SNN keeps me awake at night. If I ever meet the Chief Reporter in the street, I will hand him a VERY STRONGLY worded letter.’
What do you think? Do you have the ability to just not read something and go and make a cup of tea if it upsets you? Do you have the ability to read an article and apply a small about of critical thinking in order to work out if you are reading something that is 100% genuine? Are you some sort of pillock? Let us know on our Facebook page, unless the whole thing just upsets you too much.
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