The Secretary Of State For Health Jeremy Hunt was appropriately made to wait for four hours outside 10 Downing Street today before he was informed that his new job title would be Secretary Of State For Health And Social Care.

According to a source within Theresa May’s office, Hunt was asked to wait outside the main front door until the 240 minutes had passed.

He added: ‘As soon as Jeremy arrived at 10 Downing Street, they gave him a chair and told him to wait on the cobbles for ‘an amount of time that is theoretically within an acceptable target range.’

‘Four hours later, he was then invited inside and spoke to one of Mrs May’s members of staff for a couple of minutes, before he was then told to lie on the floor in a corridor and await further instructions.’

‘After another few hours, he was then told that his new role would include overseeing social care because he already has such a fantastic track record with health.’

Southend News Network has seen a copy of the letter given to Hunt by the Prime Minister, and it says:

Dear Jezza,

I am delighted to inform you that your new job role is Secretary Of State For Health And Social Care.

To cut a long story short, it has been decided that the social care sector is long overdue a winter crisis, and so you are definitely the man to make this happen – just try to keep the old privatisation to a minimum if possible, especially if it involves that beardo-weirdo who likes the balloons and shit.

Hugz,

Tezza