According to a source within the office of Labour party leader Jeremy Corbyn, the entire shadow cabinet has been dismissed so that Mr Corbyn can take every role himself – his closest aides have confirmed that the only person that Jeremy Corbyn can truly trust is Jeremy Corbyn, probably.
In a statement that is expected to be released later this evening, Mr Corbyn will explain how this will work in the House of Commons. The draft of this statement has been sent to Southend News Network, and it reads: ‘As both leader of the opposition and every member of the shadow cabinet, I will shuffle along the Labour front bench while Parliament is in session so that I can put a whole range of views across – occasionally I will also change the tone of my voice so that people can figure out which version of Jeremy Corbyn is speaking. I will get up and run back to my main seat if I feel the need to interrupt myself. I am aware that this arrangement will pose a number of unique challenges, but as I have said all along, Jeremy Corbyn is Labour, and Labour is Jeremy Corbyn. If I have to start referring to myself in the third-person, then so be it.’
Jeremy Corbyn’s closest shadow cabinet member Jeremy Corbyn will add: ‘This decision should also prevent any attempt at a coup from within the shadow cabinet. Any vote of no confidence in the wider Labour Party will be met by stiff opposition from within the shadow cabinet, unless of course Jeremy loses confidence in himself and somehow stabs himself in the back like a sort of contortionist.’