Leader of the Opposition and the Labour Party Jeremy Corbyn has confirmed that he has issued a ‘three line whip’ to Labour MPs instructing them to vote for the Article 50 Bill to exit the European Union when it is debated in Parliament shortly.
He added that this would actually be the best way of opposing the bill and listening to the overall will of the Labour Party membership because of the ‘power of reverse psychology.’
Speaking to our Chief Reporter, Mr Corbyn said: ‘Prime Minister May would have seen my statement about instructing all MPs to vote in favour of the Article 50 Bill, and I can guarantee that she would have been astonished.’
‘After all, the Leader of the Opposition is supposed to oppose things, and yet here I am just saying ‘Yep. Whatever she said.’
‘This has now planted a seed of doubt in Mrs May’s brain and she is thinking to herself: ‘What is he up to?’ or ‘Why isn’t Jeremy giving me sh*t for this?’
‘This is what us professionals would call a ‘mindf*ck.’ We have now lured her into a false sense of security, and the sleepless nights ahead for her will eventually force her into making an almighty cock and balls of it all once the debate begins.’
‘Uncle Jeremy 1, Theresa 0.’
‘I will patiently wait for this moment, and then BAM! I will reel off my list of demands and amendments, including automatic associate EU membership for everyone within the M25 and a soft border between the UK and France.’
‘She will just decide that this would be too much hassle and just give up on the whole Brexit thing and go and do something else like privatise the NHS. Genius.’
A spokesperson for Scotland’s First Minister Nicola Sturgeon has confirmed that the SNP leader will take a different approach during the debates.
She said: ‘Mrs Sturgeon will have a more hands-on role from the public gallery. After descending onto the speaker’s chair using a zip wire, she will reveal her half-painted face and scream ‘we’re staying in’ repeatedly while thrusting a spear into the air.’
Lib Dem leader Tim Thingy said: ‘I am going to instruct my MPs to vote against it unless a second referendum is offered on the final deal. I just have to find them and tell them first – it’s tricky.’