Bosses at ITV have confirmed that the hit daytime chat panel show Loose Women is set to be SCRAPPED at the end of July 2016 – it’s regular slot will be taken by a rolling video of Peter Andre jingling a set of car keys while occasionally humming the chorus from his 1996 smash hit Mysterious Girl. According to a leading media analyst, this ‘budget-friendly’ new show will tick all of the boxes that are required by the regular Loose Women audience. 

Head of Gawpertainment at ITV Douglas Monge said: ‘We finished filming in top-secret conditions yesterday, and the whole shoot was over in 30 minutes. We looked at everything that regular Loose Women viewers are looking for in a show, and then we came up with something to fit in with the recent austerity measures at ITV – we are dealing with a fall in advertising revenue in the most efficient way with Peter Andre Jingles (Sponsored by DFS). The best thing about the new show is that it will be available on ITV+1 if you fancy another dose of our dishy host, and viewers will also be able to download it through a variety of on demand services.’

Mr Monge added: ‘Loose Women viewers want to coo over shiny objects, and car keys are great for this as they make a very satisfying noise. Even more importantly, they want some eye candy, and Peter fits the bill perfectly! He will be bringing his loyal viewers over from ITV2’s What Peter Did Next and also What Peter Did Once He Had Finished Whatever He Was Doing In The First Place – an ITVBe spin-off show is already being planned.’