A Southend News Network investigation has revealed that Primark customers at a number of Essex locations are being forced to regularly shop in conditions that have been described as ‘horrendous’ and ‘inhumane.’

Senior managers at their head office have already promised an immediate investigation.

We sent an undercover investigator to their branch in Southend On Sea to find out more, and she told our Chief Reporter that she will ‘never forget’ what she witnessed.

She said: ‘As soon as I walked through the front door, I just stopped and burst into tears. A toddler had climbed to the top of a mannequin while screaming ‘look at me, I’m Skye,’ and her dad was screaming ‘do that again one more time and I’ll f*cking do ya Britney-Chardonnay.’

‘I assumed that ‘Britney-Chardonnay’ was her name, or her dad may have just been attempting some sort of sorcery.’

‘He must have recited the same line about ‘one more time’ at least seven times, so perhaps it was an attempt at an Aramaic child-calming spell.’

‘The child was then very sternly told that ‘she ain’t getting nothing’ for her birthday, so at least that’s something for the poor little girl to look forward to.’

During a similar visit to the Primark store in Basildon, our investigator witnessed what she described as a ‘horrific incident’ that led to the entire store being evacuated.

She added: ‘I was observing the baby wear area, when suddenly I noticed that two ladies in Lonsdale tracksuits were briskly moving towards each other, unaware that they were on a collision course as they were both distracted by the Minion vest four-packs on display.’

‘Suddenly, they walked into each other and started exchanging insults. One of them called the other a ‘silly twat face,’ and then three toddlers in pushchairs all started giggling and clapping while reciting ‘silly twat face’ over and over again.’

‘Other young children kept picking up on it, and within just a few moments the entire top floor of the shop was full of young kids repeating ‘silly twat face’ over and over again.’

‘Meanwhile, the two tracksuit-clad ladies had come to blows and were wrestling on the floor while screaming at each other.’

‘A few moments later, there was a sickening smell of smoke where the friction had ignited the polyester, and while a member of staff attempted to put out the fire with the wrong extinguisher everyone else had to leave for their own safety.’

Conditions in their store at Thurrock Lakeside have been causing concern for some time, and another member of our News Team found that a Size 10 t-shirt had been mixed in with a pile of Size 22 tops.

He said: ‘A lady came along and was looking through the Size 22 pile when she accidentally picked up the Size 10 t-shirt and walked off to the changing rooms.’

‘A few seconds later, everyone heard an ear-piercing scream coming from inside where she had managed to get herself stuck in the garment, and the fire brigade were called.’

‘By the time they had managed to cut her free, it was like a scene from The Incredible Hulk.’

We showed the footage to employees working in one of Primark’s factories in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, and one machinist told us that she felt ‘deep shame’ for contributing towards this ‘humanitarian disaster.’

She added: ‘It’s all very well earning 65p an hour to make these garments, but I never truly realised the suffering and distress that my job leads to in the United Kingdom – I am devastated.’

‘Seeing your footage has been a huge wake-up call for me, and I am going to try and find new employment making items for Waitrose.’

‘Other than the occasional heated discussion between two absolute milfs about the best brand of organic spelt for little Tobias, these retail environments are both ethical and humane.’

In a statement, Primark’s head office in the UK confirmed that they will be taking ‘urgent action’ as a result of our investigation.

They said: ‘Our Corporate and Social Responsibility policy puts the customer right at the very heart of everything that we do.’

‘If just one customer leaves one of our stores with a mental image that will plague them for the rest of their leaves, it is one customer too many.’

‘As a matter of urgency, we will continue to give out those paper bags that make them think they are shopping somewhere upmarket and swanky – this will promote a sense of happiness long after they leave our stores.’