A family from Hockley have been celebrating today after they sensationally managed to fit a SEVENTH car onto their driveway. Proud parents Maggie and Jim Deeler live in their two-bed home on Main Road with their two grown-up children Sarah and Daniel, and they told Southend News Network that the breakthrough has only been possible after months of hard work and an absolute minimum of inconvenience to their neighbours.

Excited Jim said: ‘Me and Maggie have a car each, and Sarah and Daniel also drive as they both admit that they prefer to have a nice car and live at home with us. I need two vans for work, and our neighbour Paul can have his Volkswagen Caravelle back once my garden shears find their way home to my shed. We have had a team of geometry experts from the University of East Anglia on site all week, and they finally cracked it this morning. We found that by using the communal driveway areas to their absolute legal limits so that our neighbours can just about squeeze in, we reached the golden number of seven vehicles. This is a great day for Hockley, and we are going to celebrate tonight with the biggest and most inconsiderate f*cking bonfire that the town had ever seen – the local nee-naw trucks had better be on full alert!’

A spokesperson for Rochford District Council said: ‘We have taken a look at the site, and we can confirm that no laws have been broken at this time. Although ‘changeover’ times are beginning to cause an inconvenience for passing traffic, Essex Highways have already promised to deal with any problems using the ‘County Textbook Standard’ set of temporary traffic lights – Hockley traffic flows have been unusually slick lately anyway.’