A man drinking a can of Skol and walking a Staffie Terrier along Southend Seafront has confirmed that the only way to make the world safe again is by getting rid of an entire religion. According to Daz England, 28, of Fairfax Drive, an added bonus would be that all of their existing places of worship could be converted into businesses that promote British values.

Mr England said: ‘We don’t really know who is behind the latest terror attacks in Orlando and Belgium, but we do know that we can stop the whole problem by getting rid of a religion where the sheer majority of followers are just as disgusted as what I am right now. We could spend some time trying to get to the root of the problem in society, but patriots like me would rather just go in and smash things up.’

He added: ‘Once the entire faith has been banned, we can use any spare buildings to open British businesses that are all about British. Fish and Chip shops, Real Ale sellers, Kebab Shops, Curry Houses, stuff like that.’

Mr England will be organising a series of local meetings to gather support for his proposals, but the location will not be announced until after the events to ensure that the meetings are not ‘hijacked’ by logic extremists.


  1. Philosophy is questions that may never be answered.

    Religion is answers that may never be questioned.

  2. Religion has caused more misery to all of mankind in every stage of human history than any other single idea.