A 25-year-old woman from Southend has demanded 10,000 likes, 10,000 comments and 10,000 shares on Facebook – she insists that she will drink a full 2-litre bottle of Domestos Extra Fizzy if she doesn’t hit this target. 

Amanda Dickwad of Fairfax Drive told Southend News Network that the thought of not getting 10,000 likes, 10,000 comments and 10,000 shares on Facebook is leading her to have some very dark thoughts. 

In a further development, she has not ruled out drinking the remaining liquids in her bathroom cabinet. 

She said: ‘I bet nobody else will have the fucking balls to help me get 10,000 likes, 10,000 comments and 10,000 shares on Facebook about my post demanding 10,000 likes, 10,000 comments and 10,000 shares on Facebook.’

‘Other people get way more than 10,000 likes, 10,000 comments and 10,000 shares on Facebook all the time, and I swear to God I will lose my shit if I don’t end up with 10,000 likes, 10,000 comments and 10,000 shares on Facebook.’

‘Why doesn’t anyone love me and my pictures. I have boobs and everything.’

Kerry-Ann Fronge recently managed to get more than FIVE MILLION SHARES for a picture of her 92-year-old stock image grandfather who fought in the war or something. 

She told Southend News Network that post virality is all about the emotional cost of not sharing something. 

She added: ‘War heroes like my clipart-based grandfather don’t deserve to be kicked out of their sheltered housing because refugees.’

‘All I had to do is threaten to kill anyone who didn’t share the meme that spelt ‘hero’ with an ‘e’ on the end. I’m actually visiting a few of these people every evening and caving their skulls in with a rolled-up Yellow Pages.’