WARNING: The following article contains a number of SPOILERS
The new season of Game Of Thrones got off to a flying start in the early hours of Monday morning, with many fans staying up late to be able to watch it before anyone else.
Right from the very start, there were graphic scenes of violence and fucking, before further even more graphic scenes of violent fucking.
The dragon girl stepped onto the screen holding a couple of dragons and looking fit as, with men and women up and down the land whipping it out for a crafty hand shandy while their partners and loved ones were fast asleep.
Unconfirmed reports from Basildon state that one unlucky admirer heard creaking coming from upstairs where his pregnant wife woke up for a wee – he allegedly only managed to reach the vinegar strokes with seconds to spare.
Meanwhile, that bloke who was stabbed and killed and then come back to life wandered around the snowy bit looking like he owns the joint, with that semi-permanent look of caution on his face just in case someone tries to pull the same stunt again.
This was followed by more violent fucking.
After this, the story moved to the sunnier part of the kingdom where some classically-trained actor delivered a lengthy speech about justice and vengeance, knowing that someone will probably bump him off before the end of episode three.
In the next scene, a little person whom we now cannot refer to as a ‘midget’ for reasons of political correctness makes a wise crack about getting laid while drinking from a goblet of wine.
The episode finishes with a number of unanswered questions and a black screen with something that sounds like a slowed-down version of a Limp Bizkit song in the background.