It’s going to snow… IN WINTER! Jesus tap-dancing Christ! Who would have thought it eh?

Even if it doesn’t actually snow it doesn’t matter does it? You’re here now seeing all of our adverts and both literally and figuratively wetting yourself because it may or may not FUCKING SNOW.

Weather forecasters have told our news team that an area of low pressure will combine with an intense period of bugger all news to create, wait for it …… SNOW!

Make sure you share this article as well. God himself will chuck a couple of extra inches down if we reach 1000 shares and 5000 comments – every meteorologist knows that.

With anything between fuck all and Snowmageddon forecast between now and February, you’d better get down to Tesco ASAP and clear out the shelves. What do you mean that ‘the bread will go off in three days?’ Are you fucking deaf? IT’S GOING TO SNOW!

If you have kids, don’t forget to let work know about the snow as most schools will close upon the first snowflake or frost-smothered blade of grass. Can’t have anyone falling over now can we?

By the way, here’s a quick driving lesson for wintry conditions. It’s slippery out there, especially when the council gritter comes along three weeks after the main event.

Whenever possible, try to adapt to the colder road conditions and avoid driving like a complete and utter bell end. Stopping distances are roughly ten times greater when the road is iced over, so you may need to keep your tweets brief.

Make sure you share plenty of photos as well a remember that everyone on your Facebook has never seen a bit of fucking snow before. Come to think of it, with all this global warming, they probably haven’t …