Sad woman

A 52-year-old female Facebook user from Leigh On Sea has admitted that she ‘doesn’t get’ Southend News Network’s articles, and in a shocking development she has still decided that she is ‘outraged’ to the point where she feels that the entire SNN team will be going ‘straight to hell.’ In another shocking twist, she has also declared a fatwa against anyone who shares one of their links.

Felicity Mifft said: ‘I just don’t get Southend News Network. Are the stories real? Are they made up? I am very confused as the title has the word ‘news’ in it but the site also says that Bungle is dead and also that Southend Pier has been sold to the Chinese. I don’t understand what is going on and it all rather upsets me somewhat. To make matters worse, other people seem to be reading their articles and then sharing them with their contacts, and I fear that something may happen that I just cannot put my finger on. It will either end well or badly, one of the two.’

Ms Mifft added: ‘All I do know is that I hate everything that the Southend News Networking site is about, and especially the bits that mock me in a way that I cannot even begin to comprehend. They should all go to hell, with everyone who shares their content condemned to burn for all eternity so that the Internet can once again be filled with essays about needlecraft and marmalade. I need to self-medicate every time their rubbish pops up on the Face Book.’