Police in Southend have started a large-scale hunt after 39-year-old Margaret Crunge was severely attacked in her Victoria Avenue home earlier this evening. According to a police spokesperson, they found Mrs Crunge unconscious with an inspirational meme about ‘flying higher than all of the negativity that surrounds you’ wrapped around her skull, and it has now emerged that she shares around 30 of these messages every single day without posting any original content about her lunch, anti-social neighbours or just feeling a bit shit without being able to say why.
PC Lucus Wibble added: ‘It would appear that her attacker was already upset by the sheer amount of vague, ill-conceived inspirational garbage that she was sharing 24/7, and he or she was pushed over the edge when she shared an image about anyone who has ever been hurt by anyone else with an aggressive comment daring them to have the sheer bravery to share it themselves. No human being alive should be expected to be able to deal with this sort of emotional onslaught, and so we are encouraging her attacker to come forward as the circumstances will be taken into consideration.’
He added: ‘As a precaution, we are advising all local Facebook users who are promoting their work from home businesses with images of mums playing with their kids, sandy beaches, shiny fast cars and anything equally fuckwitted to remove their content immediately as we cannot guarantee their safety.’