Is it only a matter of time before all Facebook group admins declare themselves to be 'more powerful than Christ'?

A 48-year-old woman from Ashingdon who is the admin user of a Facebook group with more than 300 members has officially declared herself to be more powerful than Jesus Christ – one of the most influential figures in the Christian faith. The declaration came after a day that she spent removing content that she didn’t personally agree with, regardless of the legitimate points of view shown by regular members in the group.

Michelle Clickfinger, the only admin user on a local Facebook group dedicated to people who want to buy and sell shoes and handbags, realised that in a mere few seconds she held the absolute and total power to decide whether or not a comment or post should remain live on the site. She contacted our reporter to say, ‘I saw that someone was selling a pair of Crocs for £5, and I suddenly realised that this person may be incredibly desperate for that money to be able to buy a meal for her children. It then occurred to me that I could just remove that listing and maintain absolute control over her family’s welfare – it made me feel warm inside.’

She continued, ‘Sometimes people post with really bad spelling and grammar through no fault of their own, and removing their posts and watching them squeal sustains me on a daily basis. I have a lot of real-life friends who use my page, so naturally they can post whatever they like, and anyone who argues with them gets an instant ban. Why? Because I am the person with absolute control over what people can and cannot post, and I like to think of myself as ‘The Decider.’

Ms Clickfinger, who was bullied during her younger years, admits that having this approach to managing her Facebook group has been a sort of ‘therapy’ for her, and she now has plans to run for a seat on her local council before thinking about making a bid to become Admiral and Commander-In-Chief of the entire fucking universe.





  1. In March 1966 I seem to recall John Lennon stating to the London Evening Standard that the Beatles were bigger than Jesus. The comment only really became controversial later that year when the American press picked up on the news report.

    I’ll sit back and what what happens with this story.