An extremist group has admitted responsibility after an official Arsenal merchandise store was attacked with a vehicle last night.
At around 3am on Wednesday morning, a video was published online by the extremist fundamentalist Wenger Out group Al-Muchlonga stating that further atrocities will be carried out until the club removes Arsène Wenger as manager.
At the start of the video, a man appears on screen with his face covered and threatens to ‘obliterate income streams one by one’ until Wenger is sacked and the club ‘spends some fucking money on someone who isn’t a heap of dog shit.’
He added: ‘The Texan infidel Kroenke seems to be the only big bucks foreign Premier League manager who just wants to keep things ticking over and never really win anything.’
‘Our patience has run thin, and it was only a matter of time before one of our glorious warriors in a Ford Mondeo reminded you that we are prepared to resort to extreme measures.’
‘As hologrammed key rings and Gunnersaurus pencil sharpeners flow down the aisles of your store, perhaps you will realise that it’s time to sell the club to a bunch of Arabs before UEFA and FIFA figure out how to actually monitor Financial Fair Play and it’s too late.’
‘If our demands are not met within the next 48 hours, every can of Budweiser before the Europa League match against FC Cologne will be shaken up, covering both home and away fans with a residue that will be a bugger to get out.’
Inteligence about the group is scarce at the moment, although it is rumoured that the commander is someone who has been an Arsenal fan since roughly 1998.