An expectant mother from Southend has announced on Facebook that she is a little bit more pregnant than yesterday.
In a further shock development, sources close to 25-year-old Naomi Progestero-Narcisti of Fairfax Drive have confirmed that she expects to be incrementally more pregnant tomorrow.
Her Facebook post read: ‘Here’s my bump. Notice how fucking bump-like it is and shit.’
‘There’s a tiny human in there. Did I mention that I was pregnant already?’
‘Everytime the baby grows, my bump grows as well – that’s the really clever bit.’
‘If it didn’t grow at the same rate as my baby, the developing foetus would burst out of me like a scene from alien.’
‘Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty certain that I am the first woman to ever gestate.’
Naomi’s sister Fallopiona added: ‘We’ve read all the books, and we love watching One Born Every Minute on Channel 4.’
‘It’s amazing TV. First they enter labour, and then a baby comes out – sometimes they even have to cut the baby out with surgery while dad watches wearing five sovereigns and a Kappa tracksuit.’
‘It’s gripping stuff, let me tell you.’
We asked Naomi if she would use Facebook after the birth to keep everyone up to date with baby’s progress.
She said: ‘Yes definitely. I am also in talks with News Corp to launch a 24-hour TV channel of rolling updates so that everyone can find out when he or she does a particularly noteworthy shite.’
‘I’ve sent the 20-week scan picture to a number of modelling agencies as well.’