An emergency Act of Parliament has been passed today in the House of Commons that will allow ambulances to park wherever they fucking need to if someone is dying somewhere. 

The 2017 Ambulance Parking Act was passed with a 93% majority.

The only MPs voting against were three Tories who own Range Rover Overfinches and are usually desperate to get little Tarquin to karate on a Saturday morning on time so that Esmerelda’s foetal yoga coach doesn’t charge a ‘no show’ fee.

Speaking after the law was passed, the head of the UK Paramedics Alliance Charlie Fairhead said that it was ‘the right thing to do.’

He added: ‘We held a meeting about this last week, and we weighed up the pros and cons of some poor bastard dying of heart failure against some mardy c**t whose driveway is blocked and therefore can’t take his car three minutes up the road for a box of 20 Silk Cut.’

‘We consulted some of the United Kingdom’s top clinical clinicians about this, and they said that someone without a pulse might not make it if paramedics have to drive around the block 100 times because everyone else parks like a dick.’

Southend MP Sir Lord Admiral David Amess’ office issued a press release to say that he was ‘disgusted’ with the proposals, before he then retracted the remarks that he never made in the first place because apparently his press office likes going rogue, allegedly.

A Labour amendment to allow motorcycle paramedics to take patients to hospital ‘piggyback style’ was defeated.

According to one MP, the idea would be impractical because most motorcycle paramedics only carry one helmet.