Police in Southend, Essex have arrested eight parents after a game of pass the parcel at a child’s 5th birthday party descended into a brawl over allegations of cheating and favouritism. 

According to witnesses who were at the bash for little Jonny Collins, the birthday boy’s father was only stopping the music when the parcel was in the hands of a child who had a ‘milfy mum.’

Fellow parent Andrew Sochs said: ‘It was obvious that Jonny’s dad was trying to impress a load of the other mums there – one munter’s kid held on to the package for a full three minutes without any joy.’

‘When the music finally did stop and another kid unwrapped it, all that dropped out of that layer was a card with a picture of a panda on it and some interesting wildlife facts.’

‘The three-year-old boy just screamed ‘Where’s the fucking Haribo?’

‘Another argument between two children had to be settled by watching the CCTV from their living room.’

‘Someone cottoned on after a few minutes as the kid whose mum had the largest fun bags had a neat pile of six Maoam’s, three tubes of Smarties and a Curly Wurly.’

‘Some of the other dads weren’t too pleased and they dragged him out into the street to give him a good hiding. That’s when the police arrived.’

A spokesperson for the global regulator FIPC (Fédération Internationale de Passer Le Colis) said: ‘We have been calling for better regulation of the industry after hearing countless reports of pass the parcel games descending into mindless violence and bloodshed.’

‘First and foremost, a neutral music controller should be in place – a list of authorised and vetted officials can be downloaded from our website.’

‘We would also discourage the widespread practice of making sure that every child wins at least one round – parents need to reinforce the idea that life is just a bit shit sometimes.’