It has been announced that a working arrangement has now been agreed between the Tories and the DUP, as long as Theresa May performs I’m A Little Teapot in the House of Commons just before the vote on the Queen’s Speech next Wednesday.
The news was made public at a joint press conference this afternoon between Prime Minister Theresa May and the leader of the Democratic Unionist Party Arlene Foster.
It will give the Conservative Party a slim working majority in the House of Commons.
The foreign secretary Boris Johnson was present in the final meeting this afternoon, and he told our Chief Reporter that the concession by Mrs May was ‘tough, but necessary for the good of the country.’
He added: ‘By the end of the meeting, Mrs May was practically on her knees and begging Arlene to agree to a deal.’
‘Theresa had already agreed to make a huge tax-free cash payment to the Northern Ireland Assembly.’
‘Christ knows what they need all that money for. Can’t they just sing a couple of hymns and have a nice presentation about staying away from strangers like most schools?’
‘Anyway when Theresa said ‘Is that all?,’ Arlene made a ‘hmmmmmm’ sound and said that there is just one other thing that they needed.’
‘Apparently it would be ‘fucking hilarious, so it would,’ if the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom could perform a full rendition of I’m A Little Teapot in front of the entire body of MPs in the House of Commons.’
‘No idea why she is so keen for that to happen. Probably a hidden message about Catholics or something in there.’
According to an inside source, the deal will only be valid if Mrs May performs the associated actions as well during the song.