After widespread protests and negative social media activity, Donald Trump has sensationally QUIT as the President-Elect of the USA.
Speaking at a hastily-organised press conference in a reinforced Manhattan bunker, Mr Trump added that the civil disorder since the election made him realise for the first time that a large number of people don’t like him.
He added: ‘When I won the election against Hillary Clinton by a comfortable margin, my team and myself were under the impression that a significant proportion of the American public wanted me to be president of the United States of America.’
‘However, there has been a serious amount of rioting since the result was announced, and the final straw for me came when somebody posted a really nasty meme on Facebook about my hair. This made me realise that perhaps I should just let someone else have a go instead.’
The organiser of one riot in California said that Mr Trump’s announcement was a ‘victory for democracy. Nathan Horsebolted said: ‘We are delighted that Mr Trump has finally seen sense and stood down as US president before we are forced to get really upset. His whole campaign was based on racial undertones and hate, and this is why we wanted that orange bastard out of the picture by any means possible.’
‘We have always believed that democracy is only a good thing if you are on the winning side and are capable of using very long words without having to use a thesaurus – we hope that this incident will push through some real changes in the electoral system before 2020.’
‘As far as we are concerned, electoral reform could mean future votes taking place entirely on Snapchat – it’s too early to predict anything at this stage.’
In an emergency statement, the US Senate confirmed that a run-off single vote election will now take place to find a replacement for President Obama before January 2017.
Spokesperson Dan Dangler added: ‘It is important that this final vote takes place between two people who won’t attract negativity on the Internet or civil disorder in the streets. Therefore, the American people will be given a clear choice between Spider-Man and Chuck Norris.’