A joint statement from the White House and Pyongyang has confirmed that the President of the United States of America Donald Trump and the Leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of North Korea Kim Jong-Un have just fucked and got over it already.
According to reports from a neutral location in Geneva, an emergency meeting was arranged with a mediator to discuss the escalating nuclear weapons crisis.
A heated discussion between the two quickly escalated to shouting and hand waving with insults being thrown between the pair and their translators.
A source said: ‘One minute they were shouting at each other and raging about the situation, when all of a sudden they both just stopped and stared deeply into each others eyes.’
‘The next thing, they launched themselves at each other and just began kissing passionately before instructing UN staff to arrange for a bedroom to be prepared in the diplomatic quarters.’
‘Kim and Donald then just disappeared up the corridor and told their minders to give them some privacy.’
The two leaders emerged around seven minutes later and called an emergency press briefing.
Speaking to a hastily assembled group of journalists, Trump said: ‘We have made great progress with our talks today – I would have never guessed that the last six months of heated exchanges were just repressed sexual tension.’
‘Me and Kimmy Wimmy Woo have an awful lot in common, and this meeting will hopefully be the start of a whole new era of cooperation and Netflix bingeing.’
Although Jong-Un didn’t speak at the briefing, a statement through the state media agency KCNA said: ‘Our glorious leader would like to invite Big D back to Pyongyang at his earliest possible convenience to see if this relationship could go somewhere.’