The movie world is in shock this evening after MGM studios announced that the Labour politician Diane Abbott has been selected to play James Bond once Daniel Craig steps down.
Abbott has signed a deal for the next three editions in the long-running movie franchise, starting with The Woman With The Wonky Abacus in 2019.
A studio source said: ‘It is fantastic to finally have a female James Bond, and Diane is the perfect choice.’
‘We can’t say too much about the next movie at the moment, but Blofeld makes a surprise comeback and 007 is forced to resort to drastic actions after her weapons are confiscated.’
‘She comes up with a cunning plan and tells the evil genius how he could fund 200 new henchmen for just £5 each, before realising that she meant £50,000.’
‘After 20 minutes of nonsensical rambling about numbers Blofeld gets so angry that he throws himself into a pool of sharks and dies.’
‘We’ve had to rewrite a few scenes with love interests, but we are incredibly excited about this casting.’
According to Variety Magazine, Abbott narrowly beat Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt in the audition process.
A reporter added: ‘Jeremy Hunt gave a solid performance, but the producers were worried that he would rise up the ranks very quickly, privatise Her Majesty’s Secret Service and sell GCHQ to Richard Branson.’
An insider at MGM has confirmed that Abbott will be able to terminate her contract in the event that Labour wins the next general election or Countdown needs a new numbers lady.