Police in South Benfleet have confirmed that the A13 is fully open in both directions after a cyclist suffered a freak accident on Sunday afternoon where both of his testicles ended up lodged in his anus. 

Paramedics from Essex Air Ambulance were able to treat 31-year-old Nathan Roe-Dogg at the scene and send him home in a taxi.

A witness said: ‘I was at the top of Bread and Cheese Hill when I noticed that a cyclist in front of me was wearing lycra that left very little to the imagination.’

‘He pulled into the middle of the lane and started to coast down the hill, when all of a sudden he tried to swerve and miss a pothole.’

‘Unfortunately it was too late and his saddle threw him into the air – the impact must have been strong enough to force his entire scrotum into his anus.’

‘Luckily the paramedics were able to perform an improvised tracheotomy and prise his genitals away from the balloon knot area.’

A spokesperson from Nathan’s cycling group South Essex Formation Road Cycling said: ‘One of our members had a lucky escape today when a motorist got within 20 feet of him and forced a dismount.’

‘We are lucky that the paramedics reached him so quickly – any further delay and there’s no telling how much more of him would have ended up there.’

The area manager for Halfords in Essex has contacted our Newsdesk to confirm that they are now stocking pothole-proof saddles with testicle receptacles for £69.99.

Southend News Network’s Chief Reporter has finally been UNMASKED! Watch the SNN story below …

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