Thousands of Santander customers have reacted angrily today after if emerged that the banking giant has links to the North Pole and Father Christmas.
According to one whistleblower within the organisation, the likeness to the Spanish city of Santander is an ‘elaborate cover up’ for the fact that the entire business is controlled by a board of Senior Elves and ‘The Big Man’ in Lapland.
Our anonymous source said: ‘It’s all out in the open now and it will create a major storm both inside and outside of the organisation. How many customers of various faiths and religions are going to want to bank with a company that has concealed their links to Christianity?’
‘The brand colours have always been red and white for this reason, and I have also discovered that the bank’s name actually means Santa Nordderkipperungsderderder – this is Finnish for ‘Santa’s Federal Reserve.’
‘We’ve also had emails from campaign groups who are threatening to leave over alleged human rights abuses in the toy manufacturing arm of the corporation.’
‘In November, many of the employees are aggressively encouraged to work 24 hour shifts – we’ve even been forced to outsource our Hatchimals operation to Sri Lanka and some of those guys are getting 3 cents an hour.’
A leading analyst of the UK’s banking sector told Southend News Network that it could take ‘years’ for Santander to recover from this embarrassment.
Colin Tativeesing of UBS Wealth added: ‘Look what happened with Barclays in 2014 when it emerged that the majority shareholder was a Staffordshire Terrier from Surrey.’
‘NatWest and RBS are still feeling the after-effects now from that fateful day when the general public discovered that the whole bank was being run by twats.’