A spokesperson for the Irish Disaster Emergency Committee has confirmed that Craggy Island has been evacuated as a precaution before Hurricane Ophelia arrives later today. 

Some members of the public have chosen to remain on the island, with the local priest Father Ted Crilly organising a small refuge in the parochial house.

Efforts to evacuate islanders have been mainly peaceful so far, however it was reported that one elderly wheelchair-bound priest told officials to ‘feck off’ before making repeated demands for beverages.

Father Crilly added: ‘I would like to thank everyone who has donated to our emergency appeal so far.’

’All of the donations have been collected and counted, and the funds will be resting in my account until this all blows over.’

’Anyone who has stayed behind will benefit from tea and sandwiches – our housekeeper will be offering these to anyone who is in need.’

’Our bishop had planned to visit us to help with the relief effort, but he is currently recovering in hospital after receiving a kick up his arse.’

’My curate will be taking over the day-to-day running of the parish while I help with the emergency, although all funerals have been cancelled as his last one ended in a terrible accident for the hearse.’

A statement from the Golden Cleric and King Of The Sheep Committee said that the two events would be postponed until further notice.

This year’s King Of The Sheep Festival will be the first in a number of years after a fixing and cheating scandal rocked the last competition.’