When financial trader Mark DeNoosh (32) and his financial trader wife Ellenery (33) purchased the home for themselves and their 9 year old daughter Lotus, also a financial trader, they immediately looked around for quotes to turn their four-bedroom property into a fifteen-bedroom ‘dream home,’ and a post on Facebook caught their attention. Mr DeNoosh told our reporter, ‘We saw that a local builder called Reg Snappit was advertising, and his latest status update had seven likes – this convinced us that he was a tradesman who could be trusted. He came round to see us within an hour of our enquiry, and he was really enthusiastic about our plans for the property. A few days later, he gave us a quote for £5,000 to get the entire place redeveloped, and we decided that this price really was too good to turn down.’
He continued his tale, ‘He turned up on the first day, and he was only carrying a Lidl bag full of cutlery, but we assumed that he must have had the rest of his tools in the back of his car. He started off in the bathroom, and we didn’t see him for seven hours until he came downstairs and told us that he had received a call from his tiling resource agent. He said that our chosen tile pattern was only available from a specialist manufacturer in Nepal, and that this would put our quote up by £20,000 – we gave him the extra cash there and then to ensure that our one-off tiles were not sold to someone else in Thundersley or somewhere.’
‘We didn’t see him for a few days after that, but when he did show up one lunchtime with his bag of cutlery he went straight back into the bathroom for 30 minutes before appearing with a very concerned look on his face. He told us that the chief planning inspector of the European Union had been in touch to say that our plans had been rejected, and that the appeals process would cost £25,000 in cash. We could see our dream slipping away at this point, so my wife quickly sold her Overfinch Range Rover and we handed him the money. Two hours later, we were delighted when his solicitor called back to say that our plans had been approved at appeal.’
‘He was in the bathroom eight hours a day for a week after that, and we could hear him banging and scraping away so we knew that the work must be progressing. We left him the keys while we spent a ski weekend in The Alps, and on the Saturday we got a phone call to say that all of the windows had been stolen and the rain was getting into the property and destroying the carpets. Fortunately Reg had a friend in glazing who managed to secure bespoke fittings for our irregular window dimensions for £40,000 including fitting, and as we had Internet access we were able to send the money by electronic transfer.’
However, when the DeNoosh family returned home on Sunday evening, they were shocked to see that their house had been reduced to a pile of bricks, and Mr Snappit wasn’t answering his mobile phone. Ellenery picked up the story at this point, she said, ‘When we saw the pile of bricks where our house used to be, we realised that something wasn’t quite right. Reg wouldn’t return our calls, and his friend in glazing had cancelled his Facebook account.’
Local police are conducting enquiries between episodes of hysterical laughter.