A 23-year-old auntie with no children of her own has managed to become a lifelong expert in both childcare and parenting after a single nappy change on an 18-month-old baby. Shortly after 4pm on Saturday afternoon, Jessica Arsch offered to change her niece Amie after three glasses of Pinot Grigio, and ten minutes later she emerged victorious from the bathroom having completed the successful nappy removal and installation without any major incidents. Although a global lecture tour and multiple parenting DVDs could be in the pipeline, she admits that she wants to remain grounded for the near future and help people who are little bit closer to home.
Ms Arsch explained: ‘I don’t have any children of my own at the moment as I am at a stage in my life where I enjoy watching box sets of Friends and drinking until I bleed out of my ears at the weekend, and all of this made my achievement even more astonishing. I know that it would have been even more difficult if it had been anything more than a wee in there, but I managed to work out how to use both the baby wipes and nappy sacks without having to ask my sister or take a look at Wikipedia – I always knew that I had it in me. The best thing about all of this is that I have now qualified automatically to become a lifetime expert in everything to do with childcare, parenting and everything in between, and I will never have to go through the unbearable pain of labour and the eternal nightmare expenses that are associated with bringing up a young family before having to stand back and watch the little bastards bugger off into the real world.’
She added: ‘I have even decided to join a variety of local Facebook groups for young mums so I can add my honest opinions as a respected and experienced childless auntie, and I know deep down that this is something that will be really appreciated by young parents who are going through difficulties with their little ones.’