Will life on Canvey Island improve by breaking away from Essex to become an area of Kent?

Thursday 30th June 2016 is set to become a landmark date in the history of Canvey Island with the announcement that government officials have declared that there will be a REFERENDUM to see if residents of the island wish to leave the county of Essex in order to become a part of Kent. If the polls show that a majority have voted ‘YES,’ the island could switch counties officially by the beginning of 2018.

Terence Grain, leader of the Party for Reconciliation In Canvey and Kent (PRICK), is set to deliver a number of speeches all over the island in the run-up to the big day, and this will be backed up by an extensive marketing campaign on local TV stations. He said: ‘For too long now, Canvey has been mistreated and abused by both Castle Point Council and the county of Essex as a whole. We are still waiting for a third road link to the mainland, but all they keep saying is that one extra bridge will make the island tip over. They are also repeatedly refusing our demands to raise the entire island by 25 feet to prevent flooding in the future, and we still only have a single McDonalds Drive-Thru. To put it simply, by breaking away and joining Kent, the quality of life for our residents and businesses will improve dramatically, and current EU legislation means that we won’t even need to attach ourselves to the North Kent coastline. If I had my way, I would just take control of the island with an army and force the move to take place tomorrow, but in reality there is a democratic process that must be followed.’

An inside source at Castle Point Council has said that they had no choice but to allow the referendum to proceed, as they originally thought that Mr Grain was ‘some nutter’ and that he wouldn’t actually complete the necessary 457-page form.

Remarkably, Essex County Council chiefs are remaining ‘incredibly upbeat’ about the prospect of losing a significant chunk of territory to Kent, with many council officials actually SUPPORTING the proposed breakaway. A spokesperson confirmed: ‘Motorists are currently demanding an additional crossing to Kent, and technically a ‘YES’ vote for a Kentish Canvey Island will mean that two new crossings are gained overnight from 1st January 2018 – we will save millions.’

AS A CANVEY RESIDENT, HOW WILL YOU BE VOTING ON JUNE 30TH? LET US KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS ON OUR FACEBOOK PAGE.

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Comments

  1. They are also repeatedly refusing our demands to raise the entire island by 25 feet to prevent flooding in the future, and we still only have a single McDonalds Drive-Thru. Where such information?

  2. Has anybody thought about canvassing the opinions of the people in Kent? I mean, would they actually want a slum town like Canvey to be part of ‘The Garden of England’?

    1. Kent may be the Garden of England until you visit the coast along the Thames estuary….