Residents in Canewdon think that they have come up with the perfect way to generate tourism revenue – the mayor has announced that the whole village will become a rare breeds farm from July 1st 2016. The news comes after the World Health Organisation and National Heritage confirmed that the South Essex village has more than 25 different species of humans that cannot be found anywhere else in the world, and local people have now decided that the time is right to cash in.

Mayor Andrew Webb said: ‘For the first time in history, families in Canewdon will open their doors to visitors who want to discover more about the fascinating biological diversity that can be found in the area. There has always been a rumour that there are certain chemical influences from the River Crouch that have had an effect on the population, and experienced guides will lead people on an enthralling and engaging wading experience – if you are lucky enough you may even see a three-eyed fish or two! While there are a number of other rare breeds farms in Essex, we feel that we are offering a unique experience that cannot be found anywhere else, not even in Stambridge or both ends of Paglesham.’

Canewdon father-of-three Michelle Doherty said: ‘We already have groups of people who visit Canewdon and just spend hours staring at us from their cars, and so at least we can now turn it into a profitable business with a planned Canewdon Safari opening in 2017.’


  1. There are many more different species of human heading for the village currently travelling in rubber dinghys from Calais.

    Unfortunately these travelling species are highly prolific and certainly do not appear to be rare.

  2. I understand the village is looking for a honest politician to add to its collection.

    However, the village is now realising that these are more elusive than Unicorns, Rocking Horse Manure and Leprechauns.