Will c2c executives sell-up and bugger off somewhere else where they are not wanted?

A source within National Express, the company that owns and operates the c2c rail franchise, has confirmed that the management of the line is ‘getting bored’ with pissing commuters off – a leaked email confirms that they have ‘a strong desire’ to get out of the train business and move into another area of transportation where it is relatively easy to upset people while generating high profits.

We are unable to name anybody mentioned in the email for legal reasons, but part of the message reads: ‘This whole process of fiddling with timetables and cancelling services at will was all jolly good fun to begin with, but now people are literally pissing themselves with rage on our services and the whole thing is just getting boring if I am being honest. Perhaps it is time to sell up and move on to something a bit more fun, like running a budget airline?’

It continues: ‘Cheap airlines are great for high-level executives who want to play God with the the daily lives and livelihoods of the common people. At the stroke of a pen, you can ruin an entire family’s holiday, and if anyone questions you about it you can just say that the arrangements are necessary because of terrorism or fog.’

A spokesperson for Essex Commuter Action has slammed the email. Marlon Pepper-Popper said: ‘How exactly would this work? A daily route from Southend Airport to Alicante would start with an Airbus A319, and after three months of sold-out flights they would have to cut it down to weekly services in a 2-seat Cessna – the numbers just don’t add up.’

Since we broke this story eleven seconds ago, the share prices of Ryanair and Easyjet have jumped by 25%.

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