Reports have come in that The Victoria Shopping Centre was evacuated this morning, with all people inside ordered to leave the premises at around 10am. According to a source within the centre, the evacuation was sensationally, unbelievably and AMAZINGLY ordered as part of a scheduled and completely harmless annual exercise.

Once the completely planned and un-newsworthy incident had come to a conclusion, shoppers and staff were allowed back in to the centre to carry on shopping and staffing. A witness who was standing by confirmed that the time taken to get everyone back in to the centre was roughly the same as the time it took to get them all out in the first place.

Once the pre-planned and non-emergency status of the incident had been established, local media outlets were informed that turning it into some sort of terror-related major news story would be pretty f*****g stupid.