A spokesperson for the Global Pier Commission has confirmed that Southend Pier has been officially stripped of its title of ‘World’s Longest Pier’ – the news comes after the GPC announced a rule change that is due to come into effect on December 1st. 

GPC High Commissioner Alain De La Jetée met with our Chief Reporter at their Zurich headquarters, and he explained that they had been forced to take drastic action after complaints had been received from other pier owners around the world. 

Alain added: ‘As a result of complaints from a number of pier owners and operators from all over the world, it is with regret that we announce that the people of Southend will no longer be able to say that they have the longest pier in the world.’

‘The main argument was that other piers are far shorter but with a lot more to do in terms of facilities and attractions. Anything with a high proportion of open decking will now be considered as a ‘sea path’ – unfortunately more than 95% of Southend Pier’s surface area has nothing on it.’

‘We have also been forced to disregard Jamie Oliver’s Shed of Smug for obvious reasons.’

‘Under the new rules, Southend Pier will not even be the longest pier in Southend, but they are welcome to re-apply once they add more attractions to it. A bowling alley might be a good start if they can find a good electrician.’

The Head of Tourism and Noise Pollution at Southend Borough Council told us that this was a ‘fantastic opportunity’ for the town. 

Nigel Brownsmear added: ‘What other place on Earth can say that they have a 1.33-mile sea path?’

‘We strongly disagree with the GPC’s decision as surely standing on open decking and looking at seagulls counts as ‘something to do?’