In a shocking development this evening, it has emerged that the Essex Police helicopter is NOT currently flying over Canvey Island.
According to sources within local law enforcement, obeying the law has returned temporarily to the South Essex peninsular.
Local officer PC Reginald Monico said: ‘At around 3pm today, we noticed that nobody was doing wheelies like an absolute fanny down Roscommon Way.’
‘Shortly after this, we also observed that nobody was nicking anything from homes or businesses. Everyone is just getting along – the whole place is like a scene from a Jane Austen novel or something.’
‘When we realised that crime on the island had reached a 200-year low, we instructed our air-based colleagues to stand down and go and get a Subway.’
Canvey resident Horace Spudge said that there were exciting times ahead for the island.
He told our Chief Reporter: ‘This is the first time since 1978 that we have had peaceful skies over Canvey.’
‘Some bugger will probably ruin it tonight by running amok with a sawn-off banana outside Morrisons, but until then we will just enjoy the quiet.’