The owner of a boutique shop in Leigh On Sea has admitted to Southend News Network that he doesn’t have the remotest idea what he is actually selling. 

Mercutio Montrose-Nash opened Pomegranate and Co. On Leigh Broadway six months ago, and he told our Chief Reporter that he just turns up in a silly hat every day and the business turns a healthy profit of £49k a month.

He said: ‘When people ask me what the shop actually sells, I want to say ‘objets d’art’ or ‘fairtrade napkins’ – something like that.’

‘We have a pre-loved table that cost the same as a Land Rover Overfinch, and we use that for pens and cups of Chai Latté so there must be something creative going on somewhere.’

‘Traders from the city keep coming in and telling us how we are doing an amazing job – I just wish I knew what that job was.’

Regular customer Hermione Fuch-Weet said: ‘I’ve been coming here for months ever since the day when their pre-loved table caught my eye as I was wandering past.’

‘It’s a delightful little boutique and I often come down here with the ladies from the book club to browse whatever it is they sell.’

‘It’s ideally situated next to the bits and bobs store as well so customers can pick up a plunger when their heads inevitably disappear up their own backsides.’

‘This is just the sort of the shopping experience that this town needs.’

‘We don’t want any of those chain stores moving in and selling their tangible items – that simply won’t do.’