A leaked email seen today by Southend News Network shows that a number of BBC executives have slammed the Brexit Supreme Court hearing for being ‘MIND-NUMBING’ and ‘NOT SEXY ENOUGH.’
It has emerged that the Beeb has paid more than £25m for the rights to create a movie based upon the legal proceedings taking place over the government’s right to trigger Article 50 without a vote in parliament, with one executive even saying ‘Bollocks! Why didn’t we bid for the Pistorius one instead?’
‘That one had everything. We could have even given Benedict Cumberbatch a stump.’
A source sold our Chief Reporter that the seven-strong team of writers is struggling.
He added: ‘All that they have so far is that Benedict Cumberbatch will be wearing a big floppy wig. Other than that, it’s all looking a bit Radio 3.’
‘The Head Drama Commissioner thought that there would be lots of surprise witnesses, foul language, sealed bags of white powder and screaming from the public gallery. Instead it just looks like a bunch of old tossers rifling through paperwork and clearing their throats from time to time.’
‘They have even resorted to emailing the government’s lawyers and asking them to sit down before jumping up again and saying ‘oh, one more thing …’
‘We may be forced to just cut our losses on this one and broadcast the original court footage with a selection of 90’s hits playing in the background, with some scenes naturally recreated by Benedict Cumberbatch and a yet-to-be-named rising inner-city star for diversity reasons.’
According to a junior employee from the Ministry of Justice, an application has been made by the BBC for the four-day hearing to be cut short so that the panel of Supreme Court Judges can hear a case about a Southend man accused of sexual relations with a goat.