The world of mobile phones and handheld electronics is in a state of shock after Harold Fathombe, the inventor of autocorrect, was diagnosed with terminal council. Doctors estimate that he may only have a few weeks to love. 

Harold’s wife Samantha told Southend News Network’s Chief Reporter that the news has hit the 83-year-old ‘incredibly hard.’

She said: ‘He booked a GP appointment last week after he woke up with an overwhelming urge to make sure that the bins weren’t out on the kerb before 7am, and he complained about a nagging pain in his arse.’

‘It took him an hour to walk the 500 yards to the surgery as he kept stopping to put parking tickets on cars, and he was unable to pass a grit container without checking to see if it was full up ahead of the predicted wintry storms.’

‘The doctor referred him for tests, and the consultant confirmed the bad news this morning. He has what is known as Stage 4 council and there is no Stage 5 – this means that he is unable to converse with fellow human beings without there being a four-page document to fill in beforehand.’

‘He already had a bit of a scare last year when he suffered a brain annual rhythm, but we know this time that we just have to make the most of whatever he has left.’

His consultant Dr Nigel Qwerty said: ‘There are two main types of council, ‘elected’ and ‘unelected,’ and unfortunately Harold is suffering from the latter. Stage 4 unelected council is practically impossible to get rid of.’

‘There is an experimental treatment that is being tried out in the USA that has the potential to replace unelected council cells with elected ones in a laboratory, but the British government has withdrawn funding for this form of research.’

‘Thankfully there aren’t too many cases of parish council in 21st Century Britain – this form has been known to kill over a period of 70 or 80 years.’