Anger as Southend bakery launches Hot Cross Buns WITHOUT ‘offensive’ cross


A bakery in Southend has upset a number of people in the local community by launching Hot Cross Buns WITHOUT a cross on them – the managing director has said that this ‘difficult decision’ was taken to ensure that nobody in the community gets offended by the cake over the next few weeks. 

Michael Prove has been in charge of the Baker’s Cupboard on Hamlet Street since 2002, and he explained his decision to the Chief Reporter. He said: ‘We have produced thousands of Hot Cross Buns in the past without anybody getting upset, but 2016 has been very different. As soon as our traditional Hot Cross Buns went on sale last week, a maths teacher came in and demanded that we stop selling them as they can be rotated slightly, leaving an ‘X’ – he felt that the buns do not give out a clear signal about whether or not they are a ‘plus’ symbol or a ‘multiply’ symbol.’

He continued: ‘He accused us of confusing children who are just starting to truly understand the world of mathematics, and to be honest I told him in no uncertain terms that I wouldn’t be willing to remove the cross from the buns. He stormed out of the bakery shop area, and at closing time he came back with four other Maths teachers and they used baseball bats to smash everything up. I don’t want any more trouble in my shop, so regretfully we will no longer be putting crosses on our buns.’

Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time that fundamentalist maths teachers have gone on the rampage in Southend. Police were called to Southend seafront in 2013 when a group of them stormed Three Shells Beach and threw blankets over women sunbathing in bikinis. According to their ‘leader,’ a pair of contained breasts could be interpreted as a number ‘8’ that has been written the wrong way up, and so the action was necessary to ensure that child numeracy rates remained at an acceptable level in the area. 

82 Comments on "Anger as Southend bakery launches Hot Cross Buns WITHOUT ‘offensive’ cross"

  1. Jonathan Lane | March 16, 2016 at 1:54 am | Reply

    Clearly these terrorist maths teachers have become very insecure in their own knowledge. I am a law abiding mathematician myself, and find nothing offensive or misleading about the cross on the buns. If these maths teachers find it so hard, perhaps they should follow the National Curriculum and only teach multiplication and addition when the two numbers combined are each a two, then there is no confusion, 2 x 2 = 4 and 2 + 2 = 4, we would have law abiding maths teachers and children the country over knowing the answer to the question is 4!

  2. Betty's Buns | March 16, 2016 at 5:59 pm | Reply

    Here at Betty’s Buns we have been watching the outrage caused by this news story.

    Accordingly we have decided to expand our range of Hot Cross Buns this Easter:

    1. Hot Cross Bun (traditional)
    2. Hot Very Cross Bun (with a hint of Chilli powder)
    3. Hot Slightly Cross Bun (a very mild palatable bun)
    4. Hot Not All Cross Bun (a sweet tasting sugar-coated bun)

    All these buns will be available from our shops early next week!

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.