It has emerged that all Spanish people who are currently in the UK for business and leisure reasons are just talking complete NONSENSE really quickly to each other – The discovery came after an Argentinian lady in Shoreditch overheard a pair of Spanish exchange students babbling on using words she couldn’t understand. According to Fran Suarez, who is visiting from Buenos Aires, the pair may have been taking about the English weather, or perhaps Prince William’s new sweater. 

Ms Suarez said: ‘I noticed that these two girls were walking down the road and speaking Spanish as they were doing all of the hand movements and hair twirling that are customary in the Spanish-speaking world. However, when they got closer, I found it very hard to understand what they were actually saying, and as the day went on I realised that I was the only Latin American or European in London who was actually speaking Spanish. Perhaps it’s all a conspiracy to be 100% sure that local people can’t understand what they are talking about.’

We spoke to Barry Realale, a stall holder at Roots Hall Market in Southend, and he was ‘delighted’ that his long-time suspicions about foreigners had been confirmed. He said: ‘I’ve known it for years. They come around the market and it’s all ‘bubbadubba this’ and ‘bubbadubba that.’ I don’t have the foggiest idea what they are on about, and I’m always worried that they are talking about me or something. It’s a disgrace if I am being honest, and they would be the first people to complain if we just started talking quickly in a thick Southend accent.’