In a Southend News Network EXCLUSIVE, we can reveal that some prick from a reality TV show may be engaging in sexual intercourse with a female prick of similar prickness who is only famous for letting some other scripted reality prick into her lady garden. In a further shocking development, an ex-lover of the original prick has posted on Instagram to let his current prick of choice know that she is going to ‘bang her head in.’

To make matters worse, the current she-prick in the spotlight has suffered from an unbelievable weight gain of 3 lbs within the last few months, and it has now emerged that either a weight-loss DVD or gastric band surgery will be required to ensure that her current prick lover doesn’t wander off into the bed of some other prick. 

A close friend of all of the pricks said: ‘She’s already hinted on Twitter that she has slept with every prick inside of the M25, but these latest revelations are going to be explosive. Every time her boyfriend goes out and gets a tattoo, she sleeps with someone else, and she may even be pregnant with a choice of eight different pricks as the possible father.’

Find out more about these explosive revelations in this month’s copy of SNN’s sister magazine ‘Shiny Shiny Shaggy Shaggy’ for the latest celebrity gossip, diet advice and photos of Channing Tatum.