POLICE CALLED after two men spotted in Southend town centre looking A BIT FOREIGN

Police in Southend were called earlier today after two men were spotted walking alone in the town centre who looked a bit foreign. More than 25 separate calls...

BREAKING: LARGE EARTHQUAKE in South Essex DESTROYS road links to Canvey Island

A large earthquake has been felt this evening in Southend, Canvey and all along the South Essex coastline, with a number of homes and businesses reporting damage...

Motorist drives into sea while trying to get Siri to play Ace Of FUCKING...

A 33-year-old motorist is in a critical but stable condition in Southend Hospital after crashing his car into the sea while trying to get Siri on his...

Facebook to introduce ‘FUCK OFF’ button for posts advertising mummy businesses

A spokesperson for Facebook has confirmed that the social media network is about to introduce a 'FUCK OFF' button for people posting about businesses that are 'perfect...

LIVE: RIOTS break out in Southend after shops and bars run out of Lambrini

Police have advised people to only travel into Central Southend 'if it is absolutely necessary' after rioting erupted shortly after 8.30pm when all pubs, bars and off...

16p cloth becomes £10 t-shirt after unrealistic cartoon police dog printed on it

A piece of Burmese cotton worth 16p has been mysteriously transformed into a £10 t-shirt after an image of a talking cartoon police dog was printed on...

Donald Trump accidentally signs executive order banning WHITE AMERICANS from travelling to the USA

A spokesperson for The White House has promised an urgent investigation after it emerged that Donald Trump signed an executive order imposing a travel ban on all...

Cheetos fed up with being called shit crunchy wotsits

A representative of the British Cheetos Federation has revealed that his members are 'fed up' with everyone considering them to be 'shit crunchy Wotsits.' Niles Chester of the...

Man pledges £500 to Comic Relief if they all just fuck off

A man from Southend has pledged £500 to Comic Relief on the condition that they all just fuck off and let the BBC put the snooker on.  Shortly...

BREAKING NEWS: Facebook friend checking in at local hospital is fine

A girl on Facebook who has checked in at Southend Hospital has officially confirmed that she is fine. Shortly before 9pm on Thursday evening, Natasha Füch-Weet, 27, of...