Southend accent named as Britain’s most effective contraceptive

A spokesperson for the British Association of Clinical Clinicians has confirmed that the Southend accent is now statistically Britain's most effective contraceptive.  Dr Bruarz Drup was in charge...

SHOCK PHOTOS show that the Moon is DISINTEGRATING

Shocking photos have emerged showing 'significant erosion damage' on The Moon, with experts at NASA blaming a combination of escaped greenhouse gases and gravitational issues for the...

Britain’s Brexit bill slashed to ZERO after late night poker game in Brussels

A spokesperson for Britain's Department for Brexit has confirmed that our final bill for exiting the European Union has been slashed to ZERO as a result of...

BREAKING: Huge search operation underway as Canvey Island goes missing

Police in Essex have confirmed that a huge search operation is underway after Canvey Island was reported missing at around 9pm on Thursday evening. A police helicopter is...

BREAKING: South Essex NHS bosses confirm that downgrading A&E’s is FUCKING MENTAL

A spokesperson for the South Essex Hospital Coalition has confirmed that bosses were 'probably on crack' when they came up with the idea of downgrading Southend and...

OUTRAGE at the BBC as Gordon The Gopher is still on £600k per year

A spokesperson for the BBC has confirmed that there will be an immediate investigation after a report revealed that Gordon The Gopher is still earning £600,000 per...

Southend Hospital parking charges ruled UNLAWFUL as reminder sign has NO QUESTION MARK

A leading parking enforcement judge has confirmed that all parking charges at Southend Hospital are unlawful after a 'reminder' sign was installed with incorrect grammar.  Speaking at the...

HS2 SCRAPPED as no sane person would ever want to travel north of Watford

A spokesperson for the Department of Transport has confirmed that the government's proposed High Speed 2 rail project has been scrapped after it emerged that nobody in...

Game Of Thrones Season 7 begins with a HUGE BOMBSHELL

WARNING: The following article contains a number of SPOILERS The new season of Game Of Thrones got off to a flying start in the early hours of Monday...

Diane Abbott announced as the next JAMES BOND

The movie world is in shock this evening after MGM studios announced that the Labour politician Diane Abbott has been selected to play James Bond once Daniel...